In the Style of ... The L Word

I was patient

Really, I'd stopped trying

Sat on the sidelines

Laughed with my friends

Convinced myself that I didn't need it

That I didn't care

And then ...

There she was

And it was almost immediate

I didn't recognize it

Because maybe I'd never really had it

Did it start in my chest?

And was it her smile?

I was scared of it

Scared of her

Because I knew what it meant

And I wanted not to care

I fought it

And lost to it

And for a year

She was mine

But it's never quite fair

And it slipped through my fingers

And then she was gone

And I cried for her

And hated them

Now that it's left me

I know I'm still waiting

I know I still care

I want it to stop

But when does it ever do what you want?

Sometimes I wish I'd never had it

But mostly I wish

That I still had her.