deviant art

Deviant Login
Buy ArtBuy T-Shirts & Gear Buy adCast Buy Premium Membership
Shop		  Join deviantART for FREE Take the Tour
×
DreamgirlDear Dreamgirl,

You don't know it yet, but you might save my life.

You are taller than I am and your hands are long so that they fold over mine. Your
mouth is full and real and made for smiling and your eyes are sharp because you see
and kind because you pretend not to.

Sometimes, when I'm walking down the street, I see somebody in a crisp dress uniform
or carefully groomed fatigues and my stomach bottoms out. I want to cry, but I don't,
because I swear to God nobody will ever see me cry ever again.

I might hold your hand too tightly and put my face into your neck, because the warm
scent of you drifts over your sensible shoulders
Learning Still-"You need to find someone to help you not think about her,"-

I don't want someone else,
                which is what I think but don't say.

-"It'll just help you be less sad, okay?"-

             "I'm not sad,"

She gets angry and she leaves.

But I know she'll come back because
                        she will always
         
three a.m.It is nearly three a.m. on a Sunday and half the world is awake.

Strains of the national anthem bounce off the alleyways and filter through my window. From my room on the sixth floor, I can see a group of inebriated revelers stumble past on their way from one bar to another. They laugh and shout and wave a great star-spangled flag above their heads. One boy is wearing pale blue-checkered boxers and little else.

I turn away. Back to my room, which is dark and my roommate who is asleep, and to my bed where I have chased sleep with far less success for nearly three hours. I am supposed to be happy, maybe. Proud, at least. Tonight, of all night
Arsenic's Got a Bitter FinishSometimes, I find myself staring at you. I wonder if I can look through one of your prettily-pierced ears and see the stars branching into my name on the other side. I wonder if that would scare the hell out of me, seeing such commitment spelled out in black and blue and white on your end when I'm so complacent with being kept to myself on mine. And maybe, deep down, I'm wondering if it's really a commitment I'm so afraid of...or if it's that I'm worried that when you look at me with your heart in your glowing sunrise eyes, I'm not returning the favor.

Sometimes I catch you staring at me, but I like to pretend that I don't see. Instead, I'll
Day Ninei.     She's on the floor, looking up at me, telling me it hurts, it hurts, it hurts. And I'm kneeling next to her. She's holding my hand too hard and I feel my bones creaking in her grasp, but maybe I'm gripping back just as hard. I don't know what's wrong. I don't know how to fix her or even what I'm supposed to fix, but her eyes— God, her eyes are breaking my heart. They're filled with pain, with fear—she's so scared— and I'm begging her to look at me, look at me, look at me. Just look at me. Everything's going to be all right. I promise. I'm helpless. I can't save her, and I hate it.

An ambulance a
NightmaresOh…
There you are.

I didn't see you through all this smoke at first
Is it smoke or just dust?
I can't really tell.

It's so dry here.

And loud

I didn't notice that until now
There's shouting
And sharp, piercing cracks

Your back's pressed against a wall
The building it belongs to is gutted and empty
There are pockmarks in that wall
They spiral crazily just above your head

Is that a rifle?
You check the magazine,
Ram it home again
Guess it must be

I never really thought those hands would ever hold a gun
It's kind of jarring to see.

Look around the wall at the same time
There are more people with guns
They want to hurt
Inside OutIt is like my skin cannot contain me
Like every fear and every secret
Churns and hammers and rages
Just beneath my shoulder blades
And the worn-out hollow
At the base of my throat

And I am stretched so thin
That only a fragile membrane
Stands between my heart
And how its every beat would be written
Into the translucent skin of my wrists
If it weren't so firmly caged behind my ribs,

If I hadn't already made that mistake
Of wearing my heart on my shirtsleeves once before.

I think sometimes
That I might be tearing already
Unraveling at those very seams
That I'm trying my hardest to hold together

So that when you ask me
If th
I wanted to tell youThere's a heady exhilaration blooming in my chest and a broad, triumphant smile on my lips and I know I look almost too happy, but I can't control my beaming, and I am absolutely bursting to tell you the news:

That my essay was perfect, that I nailed the presentation, that the biochem final was a walk in the park.

And, oh, God, I want to tell you so many things and that I love you and that I want you and I want to feel your arms around me, just barely containing my wild excitement. I want to laugh with relief and feel your lips curve up in a smile against the skin of my neck.

And I love you,
I love you,
I love you.

It's these moments w
Remember?I remember that night you pulled him off of me
I thought…
I thought maybe I'd never seen anything
Anything
As beautiful as you
Just the way you moved
All furious and lovely and wild

I remember the way his blood speckled the carpet

And there were lights flashing
Red and blue and blinding
Casting stark shadows against the snow
And you were barefoot

They had to restrain you
When they arrested him
You'd already broken his wrist
But I think you wanted to kill him

I think they thought that, too

I remember kissing your knuckles
Because he'd split your lip
And I couldn't kiss you on the mouth

We took you to the hospital afte
I Carry Your HeartBefore you left you said your heart was mine to keep.

I promise to look after it for you until you get back, I amended, and that's when you swore that you wouldstillalways [never say that you didn't] love me.

And I always trusted you['d come back to me].

I carried your heart close to my own, hopingsecretly to keep it [safe, to keep it whole,] forever.

You always had so much heart. A vibrance. A wildness. I love[d that about] you. I hated to think that a uniform and a rifle could crush that out of you.

I hate that somebody tried.

And I hate that they might have succeeded, too.

Because I was right to trust you in some ways, I guess. You
DaffodilsThe end of the world is gray.

It is all ash, and what color remains is anemic and washed-out in a defeated,
this-is-what-we-were sort of way. Because these enormous, flashy
billboards, these towering pillars of glass—this was everything we ever were.

The end of the world is quiet.

Nobody shouts. Nobody speaks. Nobody laughs. And there are no TVs that work or
buses that run or music that plays. Because there is nobody left to shout or speak
or laugh or drive or sit in front of his or her TV. And if there was ever music,
it has died in my throat or maybe somewhere in my heart.

The end of the world is empty.

Buildings lean aga
I'll Breathe DestinyAnd when you smile
It's the crinkle of your eyes that I love
I feel it in my chest
And in the way my heart leaps a little
Like it's fighting to get out
Like it doesn't really belong to me
And it's just that much harder to breathe.

Remember to breathe for me when you smile
'Cause I'll probably have forgotten how.

You ask me about destiny
and I whisper singsong stories
of the constellations
and the shapes between your freckles
and the way you spell out phrases with your hips.

Every step
is a dance toward breaking my misery
and maybe you don't realize it yet,
but your lips taste of champagne
and your thighs feel like coming hom
We Were SomedaySomeday,
When we're done with school,
We'll live together

Someday,
We'll leave this place
And go where nobody knows us

Someday,
Even if I can't,
I'll put a ring on your finger

Someday, we won't have to apologize.

Someday,
When this is all over,
We'll be together always

Someday,
I'll come back to you,
And it'll be just us

Someday, this war will end.

Someday,
I promise,
Everything is going to be all right

We were always

Someday.
Lackland"Drop it,"

"You drop it,"

"I'm the one with the gun, missy,"

"Yeah, and your jugular's right under my knife," I press a little harder, showing him how much I mean it.

"You bit?"

"Do I look infected to you?"

He sighs.

"Never was much for killing kids," He mutters, lowering the shotgun he'd had trained on my chest. He drops it carefully and nudges it towards me with one foot.

"I'm not a kid," I tell him—not whining, just telling. I don't pick up the shotgun, just kick it a little farther away from him. Not as if I've ever known how to handle a gun, anyway. I'm more likely to shoot my foot off before I hit anything.

After a few sec
Today, I AmI am bitter today
There's no way she loved me like she said
She wouldn't have left me if she did

I am sorry today
I know she loved me all along
And I hate that I thought otherwise yesterday

I am longing today
I saw two lovers walking down the street
And I wished she and I could take their places

I am content today
I dreamed about her
And in my dream, she was happy

I am frightened today
I wished I were dead
I've never wished that before

I am empty today
I cried about her until my friends dropped by
And I had to hide my tears because they've never seen me cry
And I think it would scare them

I am angry today
I saw a USMC recr
Browse More Like This

More from ~o-ohhai

We Were SomedaySomeday,
When we're done with school,
We'll live together

Someday,
We'll leave this place
And go where nobody knows us

Someday,
Even if I can't,
I'll put a ring on your finger

Someday, we won't have to apologize.

Someday,
When this is all over,
We'll be together always

Someday,
I'll come back to you,
And it'll be just us

Someday, this war will end.

Someday,
I promise,
Everything is going to be all right

We were always

Someday.
Pretty Soldier - MarinesOne two, one two
Step in time, step in time
March away, march away
I promise I'll be fine

Fine without you when you're gone
And far away from me
Say it once, say it twice
And true these words will be.

I'll think of you, my proud Marine,
I'll think about it all
Always brave, but still so few,
My soldier standing tall

I promise I won't cry for you
Well…
I promise that I'll try
Not a tear, and not a sound
As three months pass on by

You know these words are all for you
But also, they're for me
Foolish maybe, selfish too
Can't change the way I see

But know I'll always love you
Until the very end
You are my heart, my oth
TodayToday, I packed away your pictures.
And the way I folded away your smile
Felt like I was losing you for good

I took a walk to clear my head
And found something unexpected

I stepped out into the street
And the way the sun touched my shoulders
Seemed like your arms around me

I passed a candy shop
And the way the sugar scorched and browned
Became the precise shade of your hair

I lay down in the park
And the way the grass tickled me
Felt a little like your fingertips on my skin

I stayed and watched the setting sun
And the way it colored the sky a warm pink
Became the same soft color of your lips

You used to blush when I kissed yo

Featured in Groups

Not currently featured in any groups.
×

For You

:icono-ohhai:

I cried for you today.

It was a piece of music. A beautiful piece with a French name, all graceful curves and longing. I was in love with it immediately, just the way I was in love with you.

The truth is that I don't listen to music much anymore.

I don't sing.

I used to.

But the words hurt a little too much, now.

There were no words this time. Just a piano and a thousand memories tumbling along with these bittersweet notes that made my chest tighten and ache.

The memories seem like a lifetime ago. The girl in them smiles and laughs. She's so carefree. She looks like the girl in the photographs in my room, the one I don't quite recognize. She hasn't been hurt yet, that girl. She hasn't been in love.

She doesn't know.

I want to tell her to move slowly. Savor each moment and every kiss. Memorize the feel of your hand and the way you breathe when you sleep. Remember how you smiled at her, the way it lit up your whole face, especially your eyes. She knows why she loves you when you smile like that. She knows that nothing makes her feel so complete as knowing that that smile is just for her.

But you leave her. You leave her with a promise and she cries for you every day. She sings for you, too. Every song that we loved. She sings them and she doesn't feel quite so lonely. You promised her, you see. You promised that you'd come back, that you'd never say you didn't love her. And she believes you.

You never actually break that last promise. You never say the four words that might set her free. And I—

I can't.

I can't let you go.

The girl in my memory cries. But she makes herself stop after a while, because she knows that tears won't bring you back. And then she stops singing. She can't sing you home. She knows that, too.

You're gone and she's left with old photographs and a mirror that reflects a stranger.

I recognize her, though.

I cried for you today.

But maybe I cried for her, too.

2,140

143 107 13
:icono-ohhai:

For Youby ~o-ohhai

DescriptionDetailsShare
Download HTML download, 2.2 KB
Comptine d'un autre été: L'après-midi.
©2010-2013 ~o-ohhai
Category: Literature / Prose / Non-Fiction / Emotional

Details

Stats

Submitted on
December 23, 2010
File Size
2.2 KB
Views
2,140
Favourites
143 (who?)
Comments
107
Downloads
13
URL
Thumb
Only verified accounts can report policy violations. Please check your email and click on the verification link.
* Required field
Add a Comment:
 
Preview   Add Comment
love 3 3 joy 0 0 wow 0 0 mad 0 0 sad 4 4 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:iconyours----truly:
*yours----truly Feb 18, 2013
This is beautiful, made me sad.. considering situations I am in.. but also because you wrote it really well .good stuff :)
Reply
:icono-ohhai:
~o-ohhai Mar 24, 2013
Thank you! But I hope your situation improves. Hang in there :huggle:
Reply
:iconaverin-renee:
~Averin-Renee Mar 28, 2011  Student
this is beautiful. and i know that song. tragic and beautiful
Reply
:icono-ohhai:
~o-ohhai Mar 29, 2011
Thanks :thanks:
Reply
:icongirltoyou:
~girltoyou Mar 26, 2011  Student Photographer
You're an incredible writer... Why don't you mail the poems to her? This is clearly eating at you and even if she doesn't want to hear it, you should tell her. It'll be good for you to send them to her.
Reply
:icono-ohhai:
~o-ohhai Mar 26, 2011
I don't have an address to send any of it too. Otherwise, trust me on this, I certainly would.
Reply
:icongirltoyou:
~girltoyou Mar 27, 2011  Student Photographer
if you don't mind my asking who is she? What's her name?
Reply
:icono-ohhai:
~o-ohhai Mar 27, 2011
She was my girlfriend. She got deployed overseas and she broke up with me because of it. I still love her more than anything :shrug:

Her name's in this poem if you're curious. It's an acrostic.
Reply
:icongirltoyou:
~girltoyou Mar 28, 2011  Student Photographer
So long as you know her first and last name, you can mail it to her. Tell the post ofice your mailing to troops and they'll get it to her. It may take a few months, but she'll get the mail.
Reply
:icono-ohhai:
~o-ohhai Mar 28, 2011
That's a tempting option. I just don't know if it's the right thing to do. We've been broken up for some time now and if she's moving on... I mean, I don't want her to have moved on, but I don't want to hurt her by sending her letters, either.

I appreciate the advice, though. I'll keep it in mind.
Reply
Add a Comment:
 
Preview   Add Comment
©2013 deviantART. All rights reserved
About Us | Contact Us | Developers | Careers | Site Tour | Help & FAQ Advertise | Premium Membership Etiquette | Privacy Policy | Terms of Service | Copyright Policy