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Dear Dreamgirl,

You don't know it yet, but you might save my life.

You are taller than I am and your hands are long so that they fold over mine. Your
mouth is full and real and made for smiling and your eyes are sharp because you see
and kind because you pretend not to.

Sometimes, when I'm walking down the street, I see somebody in a crisp dress uniform
or carefully groomed fatigues and my stomach bottoms out. I want to cry, but I don't,
because I swear to God nobody will ever see me cry ever again.

I might hold your hand too tightly and put my face into your neck, because the warm
scent of you drifts over your sensible shoulders and everything that was spiraling
away will spin back into place




Dear Dreamgirl,

In the ugly, scarred parts of me, the parts that I don't like to show anybody,
there'll be a sliver of coal-black disbelief. You're going to leave me, too. You will.
You'll walk away and you'll never look back, just like she did. And I'll be alone
again and more broken than before and I can't.

I just can't be that way again.



Dear Dreamgirl,

I'm afraid of you.

You are patient and kind and perfectly gentle in the way you handle my bruises with
such care. I think I feel safe with you. But I haven't felt safe since she left and
you make things so different. I'm afraid to be so happy, so I'm afraid to be with you.

I don't think I know who I am without all of my bottled-up hurt.

Am I forgetting myself or just forgetting to be sad?



Dear Dreamgirl,

One day, you'll lean down to kiss me and I'll begin to cry.

I'll love you more in that moment than I've ever loved anybody.

And I will wonder all the while if you even love me back.



Dear Dreamgirl,

You should probably stay away from me. I'd destroy you.



Dear Dreamgirl,

I wish I could find you.

I'm tired of being alone.
Dear Dreamgirl,

You don't exist.

Love,

Sarah

PS-- I never was any good at writing letters.

---

Really. Nobody like this exists. Which is why I will be a spinster cat lady when all is said and done.

I think I would make a terrible girlfriend, frankly.

I'm not ready to let go. Read that never ready. Read that I just can't.
Add a Comment:
 
:iconsweetbrokendream:
SweetBrokenDream Featured By Owner Jul 28, 2011
I wrote a reply to this I hope you don't mind
Reply
:icono-ohhai:
o-ohhai Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2011
I don't mind at all. It was a really sweet letter. Made me a little happy and a little sad, and it definitely made my day. Thank you <3
Reply
:iconmilkfist:
Milkfist Featured By Owner Jun 1, 2011  Student Photographer
no such thing as can't. Just won't.
May she come soon :)
Reply
:icono-ohhai:
o-ohhai Featured By Owner Jun 2, 2011
Thanks ^^ I hope she does, too.
Reply
:iconmilkfist:
Milkfist Featured By Owner Jun 2, 2011  Student Photographer
:)
Reply
:iconshadebreeze:
Shadebreeze Featured By Owner Apr 19, 2011
I think/hope/pray she's out there. May you one day find her, too.
Reply
:icono-ohhai:
o-ohhai Featured By Owner Apr 23, 2011
Thank you <3
Reply
:iconcoalbutterflies:
CoalButterflies Featured By Owner Apr 16, 2011  Student Traditional Artist
I understand. It's bitter, and wonderful whenever it's happening.
Reply
:icono-ohhai:
o-ohhai Featured By Owner Apr 23, 2011
Kinda makes me wonder if it's worth it again (but I only wonder that when I'm feeling particularly downtrodden)
Reply
:iconcoalbutterflies:
CoalButterflies Featured By Owner Apr 27, 2011  Student Traditional Artist
Well, I know that feeling too, but I think it'd be different the next time, so there's always that left. I would rather be miserable with myself to keep those old feelings tucked away for just me, than break them and find newer, changed feelings with someone else. *shrug* I'm scared to think of anyone else the same as someone before. Feels wrong.
Reply
:icono-ohhai:
o-ohhai Featured By Owner Apr 27, 2011
I definitely understand that. Like... I can't shake the feeling that moving on and actually being in love with somebody else would be somehow making my old love not mean as much. Like it makes it feel somehow cheaper and trivial if I start giving my heart away so often. And even though, at this point, it might be only twice, being truly, deeply in love twice feels, just like you said, wrong.
Reply
:iconcoalbutterflies:
CoalButterflies Featured By Owner Apr 27, 2011  Student Traditional Artist
There aren't very many that I know who understand that. I tried. It's been months since the end of my relationship. I just have this awful feeling that if I try to join with another person, it won't feel like my feelings are just. So I sit here and stare at the empty spaces.
Reply
:icono-ohhai:
o-ohhai Featured By Owner May 2, 2011
I get that. And it the healing process takes different amounts of time for different people. If you need to stare at those empty spaces, then stare. Just not for too long, else you'll go cross-eyed <3
Reply
:iconcoalbutterflies:
CoalButterflies Featured By Owner May 3, 2011  Student Traditional Artist
Apparently, funnily, I am cross-eyed. My optometrist mentioned it and I was thinking, "Well, what next? Am I chopped liver too?"

Thank you.
Reply
:icono-ohhai:
o-ohhai Featured By Owner May 4, 2011
Aw, no-- being cross-eyed's not the worst thing in the world, ya know. Not by a mile ^^

<3
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconsrmcbadass:
SrMcBadAss Featured By Owner Apr 12, 2011
I hate reading your poems...

See, I always want to comment on how well written they are, but everything I think of seems trite and dumb.
Reply
:icono-ohhai:
o-ohhai Featured By Owner Apr 14, 2011
It's not the end of the world if you don't come up with something stunningly original. I appreciate it when people take the time to comment on my poetry, even if it's just to tell me that they enjoyed reading it or that it was pretty or something. Even if the comment seems inane to you, it probably means a lot to me.

So don't stress it so much ^^
Reply
:iconsrmcbadass:
SrMcBadAss Featured By Owner Apr 16, 2011
Well I like this one a lot. :)
Reply
:icono-ohhai:
o-ohhai Featured By Owner Apr 23, 2011
Well I'm glad ^^
Reply
:icongothicgoldfishx:
GothicGoldfishx Featured By Owner Apr 12, 2011
That is really sweet <3
Reply
:icono-ohhai:
o-ohhai Featured By Owner Apr 14, 2011
Thank you <3
Reply
:iconespressoseraph:
EspressoSeraph Featured By Owner Apr 9, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you.
Reply
:icono-ohhai:
o-ohhai Featured By Owner Apr 14, 2011
<3
Reply
:iconnixiestix:
NixieStix Featured By Owner Apr 9, 2011
How is it you can say things quite so... exactly right?
Reply
:icono-ohhai:
o-ohhai Featured By Owner Apr 14, 2011
Luck?

<3
Reply
:iconthelastjinx:
TheLastJinx Featured By Owner Apr 9, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
i guess the real question is: do you want that dreamgirl enough to be it for someone else? because that is the only way you will find her. and if not, it is not the end of love for you. there are so many different types of love. the love you feel for each person in unique. so no, you will never find someone you love in the exact same way. don't set that as your standard because everyone will fall short. it is, however, highly possible for you to love someone just as much in a different way. it doesn't weaken either love, it doesn't make one real and one not. love is just different. the depth of love you can give mainly depends on how much you can accept. and if you become a spinster cat lady, it would not suprise me that many other people came to your house to talk about cats or books or whatever there is to talk about simply to share your company.
Reply
:icono-ohhai:
o-ohhai Featured By Owner Apr 14, 2011
If somebody were willing to be with me despite my faults... I mean, I would love them, wouldn't I? And I would do anything for somebody I loved. I would try to be as perfect for them as they are for me. It seems only right.
Reply
:iconxxokaytee:
xXoKayTee Featured By Owner Apr 9, 2011  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
You will find someone again. will. There will always be another chance at that sort of happiness. I believe someone out there will love you back, and take care of you, and treat you the way you should be treated.

It's worth fighting back the sad-and-scarred-parts of you for.
Reply
:icono-ohhai:
o-ohhai Featured By Owner Apr 14, 2011
I like how emphatically you declare everything. It made me smile. And I believe you.

<3
Reply
:iconxxokaytee:
xXoKayTee Featured By Owner Apr 15, 2011  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Aww. I'm glad. :) :tighthug:
Reply
:iconproudeyesneverlie:
proudeyesneverlie Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2011
oh, this is so beautiful and it hits home in all the right places.

i don't know you, but i love you for what you are. do you know what i mean?
Reply
:icono-ohhai:
o-ohhai Featured By Owner Apr 14, 2011
I think I do ^^

Thanks <3
Reply
:iconwillwriteforhearts:
willwriteforhearts Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2011  Student Writer
Haha, somewhere, there is a person like this. Who tries to be, at least.

You don't have to be PERFECT. You have to be the best you can be. Don't be the lonely old lady, because you don't think you'll ever be ready... someday you will be... you just have to be open enough to realize when. Good luck.
Reply
:icono-ohhai:
o-ohhai Featured By Owner Apr 14, 2011
Thank you <3
Reply
:icongurukiki:
gurukiki Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2011
Wonderful piece, as always :)
Of course, sad for me to read, but you know how I feel. haha
Reply
:icono-ohhai:
o-ohhai Featured By Owner Apr 14, 2011
Indeed, I do ^^

Thanks <3
Reply
:iconlempilempi:
LempiLempi Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2011  Student Traditional Artist
you need to get out of my head! your words are beautiful and touching, as always. maybe your Dreamgirl doesn't exist but you'll find a girl better than Dreamgirl, simply because she'll be real. C:
Reply
:icono-ohhai:
o-ohhai Featured By Owner Apr 14, 2011
I love the way you said that. You're absolutely right-- real trumps imaginary every time.

<3
Reply
:icongirltoyou:
girltoyou Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2011  Student Photographer
Good, or bad at writing letters you should send whoever you keep thinking about, whoever it is you've been holding on your subconcious one.
Reply
:icono-ohhai:
o-ohhai Featured By Owner Apr 14, 2011
I'm thinking about doing that, yeah.
Reply
:icongirltoyou:
girltoyou Featured By Owner Apr 16, 2011  Student Photographer
it'll be good for you.
Reply
:icono-ohhai:
o-ohhai Featured By Owner Apr 23, 2011
Isn't that what they say about brussel sprouts?
Reply
:icongirltoyou:
girltoyou Featured By Owner Apr 24, 2011  Student Photographer
I don't know, but my mom used to say it about broccoli, and now I love broccoli so..
Reply
:icono-ohhai:
o-ohhai Featured By Owner Apr 24, 2011
Hah. Touche.
Reply
:icongirltoyou:
girltoyou Featured By Owner Apr 27, 2011  Student Photographer
Hehe :katana: :eyepopping:
Reply
:icontilwen:
tilwen Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2011
:) spinster, eh? don't worry, my sister is determined to be one! :) with a pack of dogs running wild and occasionally eating the odd passer-by!
It's hard letting go of someone to move on, somehow you feel like you are betraying them. that if you fill your heart with the new love, the old one will get pushed out. it's not true - it's difficult to believe, but it's the step across the gap that's scary, not what's on the other side. :) it's something you will be reday to do in time - just take your time til you are ready to grasp the hand on the other side and trust that they won't let you go til you've got both feet on steady turf. ;) just a thought.
Reply
:icono-ohhai:
o-ohhai Featured By Owner Apr 14, 2011
Oof-- you hit the nail on the head. I really am terrified of moving on. Like somehow it makes our relationship mean less. I just have to gather my courage and take the mini-leap of faith over the gap. Not sure how long that'll take, though ><'

Thanks, though <3
Reply
:icontilwen:
tilwen Featured By Owner Apr 16, 2011
i carry my own hammer. ;) gather all that wonderful courage bit by bit - it'll be worth it.
Reply
:iconpeopledrawer:
peopledrawer Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2011
I squealed several times while reading this. I was suspicious throughout, but a little part of me was hoping very much that it could be real. The end of the poem caused a tiny heartbreak in me. I was hoping I would be able to tell you in this comment that this was my favorite poem so far, even though I generally prefer sad poems, because it is hopeful and I am so glad for you.
Someday maybe I will get to. Keep hoping, or hope again, if you aren't currently. If you want I can hope for you, because I'm nice like that, and you deserve it, and also I'm already hoping for you anyway.
Reply
:icono-ohhai:
o-ohhai Featured By Owner Apr 14, 2011
Someday I hope to write that poem, trust me.

Thanks, hon <3
Reply
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