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o-ohhai by sweetest-surrender

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Literature by RandomAki


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Submitted on
April 7, 2011
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Dear Dreamgirl,

You don't know it yet, but you might save my life.

You are taller than I am and your hands are long so that they fold over mine. Your
mouth is full and real and made for smiling and your eyes are sharp because you see
and kind because you pretend not to.

Sometimes, when I'm walking down the street, I see somebody in a crisp dress uniform
or carefully groomed fatigues and my stomach bottoms out. I want to cry, but I don't,
because I swear to God nobody will ever see me cry ever again.

I might hold your hand too tightly and put my face into your neck, because the warm
scent of you drifts over your sensible shoulders and everything that was spiraling
away will spin back into place




Dear Dreamgirl,

In the ugly, scarred parts of me, the parts that I don't like to show anybody,
there'll be a sliver of coal-black disbelief. You're going to leave me, too. You will.
You'll walk away and you'll never look back, just like she did. And I'll be alone
again and more broken than before and I can't.

I just can't be that way again.



Dear Dreamgirl,

I'm afraid of you.

You are patient and kind and perfectly gentle in the way you handle my bruises with
such care. I think I feel safe with you. But I haven't felt safe since she left and
you make things so different. I'm afraid to be so happy, so I'm afraid to be with you.

I don't think I know who I am without all of my bottled-up hurt.

Am I forgetting myself or just forgetting to be sad?



Dear Dreamgirl,

One day, you'll lean down to kiss me and I'll begin to cry.

I'll love you more in that moment than I've ever loved anybody.

And I will wonder all the while if you even love me back.



Dear Dreamgirl,

You should probably stay away from me. I'd destroy you.



Dear Dreamgirl,

I wish I could find you.

I'm tired of being alone.
Dear Dreamgirl,

You don't exist.

Love,

Sarah

PS-- I never was any good at writing letters.

---

Really. Nobody like this exists. Which is why I will be a spinster cat lady when all is said and done.

I think I would make a terrible girlfriend, frankly.

I'm not ready to let go. Read that never ready. Read that I just can't.
Add a Comment:
 
:iconsweetbrokendream:
SweetBrokenDream Featured By Owner Jul 28, 2011
I wrote a reply to this I hope you don't mind
Reply
:icono-ohhai:
o-ohhai Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2011
I don't mind at all. It was a really sweet letter. Made me a little happy and a little sad, and it definitely made my day. Thank you <3
Reply
:iconmilkfist:
Milkfist Featured By Owner Jun 1, 2011  Student Photographer
no such thing as can't. Just won't.
May she come soon :)
Reply
:icono-ohhai:
o-ohhai Featured By Owner Jun 2, 2011
Thanks ^^ I hope she does, too.
Reply
:iconmilkfist:
Milkfist Featured By Owner Jun 2, 2011  Student Photographer
:)
Reply
:iconshadebreeze:
Shadebreeze Featured By Owner Apr 19, 2011
I think/hope/pray she's out there. May you one day find her, too.
Reply
:icono-ohhai:
o-ohhai Featured By Owner Apr 23, 2011
Thank you <3
Reply
:iconcoalbutterflies:
CoalButterflies Featured By Owner Apr 16, 2011  Student Traditional Artist
I understand. It's bitter, and wonderful whenever it's happening.
Reply
:icono-ohhai:
o-ohhai Featured By Owner Apr 23, 2011
Kinda makes me wonder if it's worth it again (but I only wonder that when I'm feeling particularly downtrodden)
Reply
:iconcoalbutterflies:
CoalButterflies Featured By Owner Apr 27, 2011  Student Traditional Artist
Well, I know that feeling too, but I think it'd be different the next time, so there's always that left. I would rather be miserable with myself to keep those old feelings tucked away for just me, than break them and find newer, changed feelings with someone else. *shrug* I'm scared to think of anyone else the same as someone before. Feels wrong.
Reply
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