literature

Day Four

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Literature Text

-Anywhere between 9:00 and 10:10-

Stay until the morning comes and I can forget you've gone …



Goodness it's freezing out. Should probably close the window. That'd require me to actually get out of bed. What time is it?

Hm.

I could sleep for another half hour.

Wait. What do I have to do today? Shower. Classics paper. Laundry. Ok, up.

Cold, cold, cold. Towel, shower caddy, sandals. Stumble to the bathroom. Please let there be hot water… Yes! Warm. A nice, warm shower… Ok, Sarah. Quit dawdling. You've got things to do today. Shampoo, conditioner, soap. Left arm, right arm, etc… Shower off. God, it's cold. Back to the room.

What time is it?

-Usually around 10:40-11:00-

All right. I'm probably not going to leave the dorm today, so I can get away with wearing my rattiest pair of jeans, camisole, and a sweatshirt. Could probably forgo the cami, but let's be safe.

Comb my hair out and stare idly in the mirror.

Maybe I won't think about her today.



Oh.

I've paused, comb halfway through my hair. Yank it out, earning a sharp pain along my scalp. Resume combing my hair. Scrunch it back into its usual curly mess. Pretend that didn't happen.

-11:30-ish-

Check e-mail and dA. Respond to a few messages and let the favorites fester in the inbox. Wonder if people appreciate the fact that I usually thank them all individually for the favorite. I get the feeling that some don't like, but I generally do it anyway. Seems rude not to acknowledge their support.

Check laundry online. Thank you, Cornell, for automating even your laundry service. I see that the machines are all full, so you've just saved me a trip to the basement. Oh, technology.

What time is it?

-12:00-

Cool. I've still got a while to write that paper. And really, it's only ten pages and the subject's easy. That means I can afford to dawdle. Awesome. Let's see who's up for going out to lunch.

Oh dear. Forgot to check my phone earlier. Let's see. Text from Dad, text from roommate, various texts from friends, voicemail from sister, text from sister, second, slightly irritated voicemail from sister.

I think I should call her…

Dial her up and chat for an hour or so. She does most of the talking, really. She likes to talk about everything with me, so it only takes a little coaxing to get her going. Loves. I'll see you soon.

Hang up.

I should tell her. About everything.

How long can I keep it all a secret? Why do I even feel like I need to? I'm pretty sure everyone would be pretty ok with it.

I'm bisexual.

Say it aloud.

"I'm bisexual,"

Not so bad.

So why the hesitation?

Because it'd mean thinking about her.

She won't just go away because you don't think about her—like you can even manage that.

That's exactly what you hope happens, isn't it? But it's killing you on the inside. Maybe not now. Maybe not for a long time, but it's eating your heart, corroding it like acid. You're going to end up all hollow and messed up.

But that could be all right—not feeling. That might be ok.

It'd feel better than this.

Come on, Sarah. Stop being so melodramatic. Lots of people go through break-ups. You can't possibly be the only person who feels this way. You aren't allowed to just shut down. Nothing makes you more special than all the other broken hearts.

You have work to do. A classics paper.

I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her.

Someday, even if I can't, I'm putting a ring on your finger— no, Sarah. No. Don't you dare think about the things she used to say.

What time is it?

-1:45-

Write your essay, dammit.

Don't cry.

-6:00-

Stomach grumbling. Did I ever get lunch? I don't remember. Well, whatever. Finished with the first pass of my essay. Just need to edit and add citations. But I can do that tomorrow.  I'm absolutely starving.

What time is it?

Let's see who's up for a bite to eat.

-8:30-

Since it's exam period, everyone who's not studying has already gone home. That's ok. I'm not much of a partier, anyway. I guess I'll just noodle around on my computer, chat with a few folks on dA, skype a friend from home.

-Midnight-

I'm glad I can always count on the sixth floor to have some bizarre midnight activity that generally involves large quantities of sugar. This time it's frosting Christmas cookies. Sounds good to me.

Wait a second… Forgot to do my laundry earlier. I can do that now.

-Several hours later-

Hm. 3:30 am. Computer's away. Laundry's folded. Gotta turn of the lights.

I wonder if she was happy today.
12-15-10

"Seven things that cross your mind a lot."

Day four of my 10 Days of Honesty writing challenge. Obviously I took a weird stream-of-consciousness(ish) approach to this one. I edited a little just so that you didn't have to read each and every single one of my boring thoughts. As it is, I can see where this won't exactly win your hearts (actually, it'll probably get on your nerves). It's choppy and ugly and not my best. But I couldn't think of a better way to present things that cross my mind a lot without giving a long explanation. So I put it in the context of my daily routine.

I'm very preocuppied with time. I must check the clock a million times a day.

Also, I realize that I'm very mean to myself in my head.

At any rate, I'm sorry about this one. Not my greatest work here.

Loves.
© 2010 - 2024 o-ohhai
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EclipsedPersona's avatar
Your too hard on yourself, I know I really liked what you did w/ this one, I can relate in several senses to this and I think you presented it wonderfully, the piece is very touching. Simply Amazing.